Every Right
by Handy-for-the-bus
Summary: Bates breaks Anna's heart when he tells her he's leaving with Vera the next morning. But before he goes, Anna makes a decision that will change their life forever. Will that night be the beginning of the end for both Anna and Bates? Heartbreak, misunderstandings and concealments will only prove how uncertain the future can be.
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: **Downton Abbey and its characters belong to Julian Fellowes.

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**'****_I had no right to involve you in my life!'_**

**'****_Yes, but you see, that's what I don't agree with! You had every right!...I know you, you are doing something gallant here, making a sacrifice for my honour but I don't want you to. I don't care, don't you understand? I don't care what people say! I'd live in sin with you! If she's threatening to ruin me, then let her. It's nothing to me. The only ruin I recognise is to be without you!'_**

**'****_Forget me and be happy, please.'_**

**'****_I couldn't. Not ever.'_**

**'****_You should, and you must. I am nothing.'_**

Anna couldn't believe what was happening. Her life, their life, was so perfect just the night before and now...now it was over.

She cried harder then, as if crying would make everything stop and go back to normal again. As if crying would fix things. Perhaps he would hear her sobs and screams. Perhaps he would feel sorry for what he said and come back to her, hug her, kiss her, whisper that he was sorry, that he wasn't leaving, that he would be forever hers...but it didn't happen. She was still crying, and he was still gone.

_What miserable destiny was this?_ Was she meant to never know the feeling of being with the man she loved? As man and wife? Anna was sure she wouldn't love again in whole her life, not so fervently as now. Not ever. She ached for him; she needed him. It was true indeed that her ruin was to be without him, and she could feel every piece of that ruin stabbing her body like a sharp knife, killing her bit by bit...and this would only be the beginning.

She gathered herself after some time. Dried her drenched face with her apron. Looked up at the stars for a moment, and went inside. Not much time later she was sitting in her bed, back at Ethel, looking straight at the wall.

'What's the matter with you?'

'Nothing.'

'I doubt it's nothing.'

Anna didn't say a word; her thoughts were too occupied with shattered dreams. She could see their house crumbling, their children's faces disappearing in the distance...the children she dreamed of so much would never be now. They never were and would never be. All she had ever dreamed of was just that, dreams...never meant to come true; only to exist in the depths of her mind. She could almost hear the cries of their unborn babies; begging for her to fight for them, but what was the point? Mr Bates was leaving...with his wife...his lawful wife and he would never be hers.

When she looked back she saw Ethel sleeping soundly. She stood up from the bed, walked towards the big mirror, and took in her appearance. She hadn't bothered to braid her hair, and it hung loose around her shoulders. As she stared more attentively she noticed that by the candlelight her nightgown was see through. It almost looked like she was naked.

_Would he find me beautiful...like this?_ She thought.

XXXXXX

John heard a very soft knock on his door, and at first he thought he had heard it wrong, but then, it happened again.

He dried his tears in his handkerchief and took a deep breath, stood up from his bed, smoothed his undershirt, ran a hand through his hair and walked towards the door.

He opened it.

'Anna?'

She came in, passing through him, almost knocking him off balance.

When she reached the edge of his bed she turned to him. He closed the door behind him, his scared eyes burning into her.

'I may not have you forever, but I want to have you for only one night. One first and last night, Mr Bates.'

'Anna…'

'I want to know what it is like to be in the arms of the man I love... you can't deny me that.'

'I won't dishonour you, Anna. Don't you understand what you are asking?' his voice was shaking.

'You said yourself that I was the only woman you had ever loved in all your life. That you didn't know what love was until you fell in love with me…'

'I said that...perhaps I shouldn't have.'

'Don't!' She didn't want to hear him denying their love any longer. She couldn't bear it.

'Anna, we can't.'

'So you'll leave me; broken hearted, and damaged?' Her voice was low; almost whispering, but stern.'I gave my heart and soul to you, and you just step on them like it's nothing? How will I trust anyone ever again?! At least show me what it means to be loved.' She pleaded. 'I'll never love again like I love you, not in a thousand years.'

'Of course you will...It may take some time, but you will.' He whispered back, and his voice gave away the sadness in him.

Anna shook her head at his words. 'For all the promises you ever made to me, Mr. Bates. This is your chance to honour those promises, because I know you meant every one of them'

With her eyes sure on his, she held the silky tie at the collar of her nightgown between her thumb and forefinger and ever so slowly she pulled it. John's eyes widened as more and more pearly skin was revealed, and when the tie was loosened Anna let her nightgown slide over her body to the floor.

Some voice was shouting in his head that his eyes should be closed, but they weren't. He couldn't take his eyes off her. Her hair was golden, cascading over her shoulders, shining in the candlelight as if it was made of gold, forged on Earth's deepest furnaces. The blue of her eyes was as blue as the sea, and as confident as ever. She stared at him straight; without flinching, without fear. _Maybe she knew he wouldn't be able to resist her?_

His eyes travelled every single bit of her. Her lips, her long neck, the beauty that was her collarbone, and then he stopped...her breasts. That was something that John had always imagined, but in his wildest dreams he couldn't have imagined how beautiful they really were. How perfect and pert. Small but everything he ever wanted them to be. They would fit perfectly in the palm of his hands. They were made for his hands, he could tell. He shook his head.

'Anna.'

His eyes were pleading. Begging for mercy. Mercy that she wasn't ready to give. She walked towards him, and he noticed the sway of her hips. She had a tiny waist; she barely needed a corset, he noticed as her hips moved in a hypnotic dance. His hands were itchy, and he had to squeeze them shut. He wanted to touch her. He wanted to grab her by her waist and kiss her. Kiss her until there was nothing left, no time, no Earth, no nothing. Her legs were beautifully shaped; so pale and strong. And were her thighs met...he closed his eyes at the sight and when he opened them again she was right there, in front of him. Ready to be his, for one night only.

'I will be yours forever, Mr Bates, whether you take me or not.'

He grimaced, and held his hands up between them. He didn't know what to do.

He had to look down to look at her. Without her shoes on she barely passed his chest. She was so tiny, so fragile, so young, but she was so strong and brave and spectacular.

His eyes burned with tears. Tears of love, regret, and blame. As the voice shouted in his head telling him to cover her up, to take her out of his room, his hands were on her face and he was kissing her more passionately than ever. In all his regret and blame, he also wanted to have her, even if only for one night. He also wanted, needed to know how it felt like to be loved and to love the only woman that would have his heart and soul, and all of him forever.

_She was the one who came into my room...No! Stop!_

He couldn't blame her for this. He could only blame himself, and he would. He would blame himself for all eternity, but he was only a man. He knew how selfish he was being, but at the moment, as every bit of her invaded his senses, all rational thought that was forming in his head turned into deep painful desire.

Anna was overwhelmed with the entire situation. She tried to look brave and sure of herself to him, but the truth was she had never been so afraid in her life. She was afraid to be caught. Afraid that Mr Bates would deny her, and despise her for what she was doing. Afraid that if he would say yes, as he was now, that he would regret it later and curse her for this one night.

But as he slipped his tongue into her inviting mouth she felt his love overpowering her.

She could feel his hands all over her, as if he was determined not to miss one millimetre of her silky skin. He broke the kiss then, and took her face between his hands again. She was so delicate.

'Anna...we shouldn't be doing this.' As he said the words she felt his desire pressing against her stomach.

'And you shouldn't be going away...but you are. Tell me you don't want me, and I'll leave you. I promise.'

But as much as he wanted to say those words, for her sake, for her honour, for her reputation, his mouth daren't to speak them. He wanted her. He ached for her. He needed her now, and if he didn't have her he was sure he would die a slow and painful death.

'I can't.' He looked deep into her eyes, and Anna felt more naked in that moment than she ever had. She could feel him reading her soul; her most secret thoughts and desires. 'I love you.'

She smiled, and tears that she didn't know she was holding back fell. He kissed her collarbone one more time, and took his undershirt off. Her eyes widened at the sight of his broad bare chest, and she placed her hands there; feeling the hair between her fingers. It felt so good, so magical.

John's touches became bolder, and as he kissed her again he cupped her breasts with his palms and squeezed them gently. Their heaviness felt amazing, and he heard her sigh into his mouth. He broke their lips apart then, and moved to her neck, biting softly and slowly. This was too erotic to Anna. She never thought she could feel this wonderful in another's hands. Her Mr Bates' hands.

She ran her hands over his hair, and caressed his neck as he slid his lips from her neck, to her collarbone, and finally to her breasts. She was on tiptoes now, trying to give him better access, and he smiled at her gesture. Anna couldn't believe she was doing this. She was being bolder than she thought she could be, but this all felt too good and Mr Bates was leaving her forever the next morning. The last thing she could think of now was being shy. She needed to have him at least once. That time was now, and she wouldn't waste this moment with fears and embarrassment.

He stopped then, and held her hands in his. 'You are too beautiful.' He sighed, and guided her towards the bed. He helped her lie down with him.

They were on their sides facing each other and she smiled as he ran a hand through her silky hair.

'I hope we don't live to regret this...' he whispered and she kissed him.

'All I know is, no matter what happens after tonight, I will never regret loving you, Mr Bates. Never.' he smiled and she kissed him again.

Reaching for his trousers he undressed as best as he could, trying not to take much space in the bed, else one of them would fall. When he did so she looked down, and saw his manhood hard and pulsing. She thought that surely it wouldn't fit in her and she was scared again, but nothing shook her determination.

In the next second, John hugged and turned her so she was laying in her back. After doing so he hovered over her, and positioned himself between her legs. She placed her hands on his shoulders and he reached down to touch her. When he did so, she jumped.

'Shhh, it's alright. I can sto...'

'No! Don't stop.' She said caressing his cheek. Her smile was tender and he kissed her lips.

He continued to touch and massage her. He took his time and when she found her release and placed her hand over her mouth, so as not to cry out and wake up everyone, he knew she was ready.

Taking his hardness in his hand, he slid it over her core, and as he did Anna shut her eyes closed in anticipation.

'I'll be as gentle as I can.' He smiled, and she opened her eyes to look at him. His smiled reached his crinkled eyes and she relaxed under him.

'I know.' She said. And with that, he entered her slowly. Her cries were muffled in his shoulder as she felt herself stretch in the presence of his member. Blood ran, and she cried once again in pain.

'I'm sorry, love.' She nodded with her eyes shut. 'I love you.'

He kissed her hair, her cheeks, and her lips before settling into a steady and gentle rhythm until his end. Now it was too late.

XXXXXX

'Are you alright?' He asked as he caressed her hair. They were laying on their sides; Anna's back on his chest.

'Yes.' Of course she wasn't. He was leaving her in the morning.

He kissed her neck, and caressed her belly. 'I love you so much.'

'You do?'

'Of course I do!' hoovering himself on his elbow, he peeked over her shoulder. 'You are my life.'

Anna turned her neck to look at him as best as she could. The bed was too small. 'But you are leaving me.'

'Do you think I can leave you now?' He wrapped his arm around her waist, and pulled her to him tightly. 'After what we've just shared...'

'So you are staying only because we made love?'

'No. I'm staying because I love you.'

'And before? Didn't you love me enough before?'

'Anna, it's not that. Before, we could have waited. I would have divorced her, and I would have come back to you. But now...now we can't wait. What if something happens? No. I'll talk to Vera tomorrow, and I'll tell her. She'll accept the money I have to offer at once, or I'll take this to the court and leave her with nothing. Making love to you only gave me more strength.' He kissed her hair. 'I don't want to leave you, ever. I couldn't bear it, and this night just proved to me that I'm right.'

Anna had tears in her eyes as she turned fully to face him. She reached for him with urgency and they kissed passionately.

'What's the matter, Anna?' She was crying now, almost sobbing.

'I don't know, but kiss me, please.'

He did as she commanded, and kissed her as fervently as he could.

As his tongue danced with hers, she prayed to God that the bad feeling she was having would go away. He was staying after all. She was being silly. This wasn't their last kiss, surely…

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**A/N:** Hope you enjoyed it and stick with me :) I'll try to update every weekend.

And please review! xxx


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for your faves, follows and reviews :D

And I totally forgot to credit my Twin Beef, a-lady-to-me, for all the help and patience. Thank you love!

**Disclaimer:** Same as chapter 1.

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Anna woke up with Daisy's morning call. She grimaced, huffed, and stretched lazily before sitting up in bed. Last night had been wonderful, despite everything, and they had even made love one more time before she left. Her body was sore, but there was not a bit of regret in her soul. It had felt so right, as right as breathing, as right as loving him. She barely slept two hours and she was feeling awfully tired, but suddenly she remembered. Vera was coming to take Mr Bates away from her. She stood up from bed, and dressed as fast as she could in the midst of Ethel's curious eyes and silly questions. That bad feeling she has last night was back.

XXXXXX

'I'm not going!'

'You don't understand, do you, John?'

'No! You don't understand!' He pointed towards her. 'As much as you hate it, I love Anna and I'll marry her. You have two options...'

John was furious. Vera was striking with her poisoned tongue once again.

'I'm not a woman of options, John. You should know that by now.' She smiled cynically.

'You have two options!' He shouted 'Take the money and leave, or I'll go to the court and we'll settle this there. You'll end up with no money whatsoever!'

'John, John, John. My dear John.' She teased, rolling her eyes. '_You_, have two options. You come with me and do as I say, or you stay with your floozy and I'll go to the press. I'll tell them about the holy Lady Mary, who's not so holy anymore. I'll also tell them about her little maid, Anna Smith, who helped her with everything, and on top of all of it runs after all of the county's married men!'

Vera walked a few steps away from him looking around and enjoying the view of the house's gardens. 'It's a beautiful place, indeed.' She smiled.

'You are sick!'

'She'll never get a job anywhere,' her eyes were on him again, 'in her whole life, and she'll be known as the harlot she is, everywhere she goes.' She laughed.

John looked at her from head to toe frowning. How could he have married such a vile woman all those years ago? He was a fool and she'd fooled him good.

'Don't try me, John Bates. You know what I'm capable of. I'll destroy both of your lives. So you go in there right now, and tell her you are leaving with me.'

Never in John's life had he felt so disgusted towards a human being. Vera wouldn't quit that easily, he should have known that. He shouldn't have let last night happen. How selfish and utterly despicable he was. He fooled himself and together he fooled Anna as well.

As he went inside to tell Anna that he was leaving he thought that maybe, he could still fight for them, somehow. Maybe there was still a chance?

With all the strength he had in him he promised that he wouldn't give up. His love for Anna was worth anything; worth dying for, and if he had to he would die for her.

John stopped at the door. He looked around. All the air in his lungs was gone. He would break her heart, but he would make it right after. He would make it right. Vera's hatred would not be stronger than their love.

XXXXXX

A moment later John walked into the servants hall. His steps were heavy, his head was hanging down, his limp was more pronounced, and his eyes were red. As he heard steps approaching him, he looked up and saw her. His Anna. He felt like falling and dying then and there. He was breaking her heart, again.

'We need to talk.' He whispered.

'Did you tell her?'

He nodded, and gestured towards a lonely corridor. Taking a deep breath he spoke.

'Anna...I am so sorry...'

'Mr Bates, you said...'

'We shouldn't… Last night, shouldn't have happened.'

'Don't you say you regret it.' Anna eyes were already burning with tears, and John had to look away. He couldn't bear to see her hopes crushing and dying because of him. All her misery was because of him.

His head was pounding, and his thoughts were running away from him.

_Should I tell her I'll keep fighting for us? What if I fail? What if I can't find anything against Vera? I can't promise her the world again only to have it shattered in front of our very own eyes._

He was going to have to lie to her. He would have to say the unthinkable for her own good. He promised himself he would write to Anna as soon as he found something to make the divorce possible, but first, first he would have to lie.

'I do...I do regret it immensely.' His heart dried at his own words. _What a lie, what a filthy lie._ 'But you see...You are a beautiful woman, and I'm only a man. I'm afraid I let my needs overpower my sense. I have to go now. Ve...my wife...' he felt sick at the sound of that word escaping his lips, '...is waiting for me.'

For a glimpse of a second he saw it. The moment her heart stopped. The moment she went pale as a sheet. The moment her soul died; and then he felt his left cheek turn terribly hot. He brought his hand to his face, and realised that Anna had slapped him with all the strength she had in her. It hurt, but it didn't hurt enough. Not as much as her heart did.

'I told you I was going to dishonour you, but you didn't listen! I said it was wrong, I warned you...' He said nervously still massaging his cheek, his tears threatening to roll down his cheeks.

'I'm not slapping you because of last night! I'm not sorry one bit!' She cried. 'I'm slapping you because you are not telling me the truth! I know you! You are being gallant, but it's not working! I know you didn't mean a word you said, and I'll love you forever but...you are right...you were right...', A small cynical laugh escaped her before she continued, 'I should dream of a better man. A more honest one.'

With that she ran from him, and he could hear her sobbing in the distance. He sighed and left the house.

Outside he looked one more time to the big castle. How dare he dream of such a bright future between those walls? To cause such pain to the person he most loved in all his life? How dare he? His eyes burned with tears, and shattered dreams. Dreams that would always live inside of him but would never come true.

'Come on, John. I'll be good to you...I promise me.' Vera smiled wickedly. She was indeed proud of herself.

As the wagon rolled down the road John's head was ticking.

_If you think I'm going to quit, you are very wrong._

Somehow he knew that he would be able to find something against Vera. Perhaps adultery. She was never the most faithful of women. Perhaps something else...but he would. He would write to Anna soon, and he would tell her why he did what he did. He would beg for her forgiveness, and he would make things right. This time, he was going to be victorious.

XXXXXX

From one of the many windows of the big house, Anna saw them leaving as the tears rolled down her cheeks; a stream that surely would never dry.

She had seen the pain in his expression. The heartbreak in the depths of his eyes.

So why was he leaving? He was hurting as much as she was. She saw it. The way he spoke, the way he acted...a pain that mirrored her own. So why was he lying?

Vera was blackmailing him again, she was sure, but why was he allowing her to do so? Something wasn't right. There had to be more to it.

Bringing her hands to her face she dried her swollen eyes before raising her chin towards the distance. She couldn't see the wagon anymore, but the trees and the fields were still there, and the path that led to the village... they would always be there, just like their love would. She couldn't see him but he would always be there, with her, in her heart.

_I won't let hate win over love. I won't give up. We'll be together whether she wants it or not. We will be victorious._

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**_A/N;_**

_You didn't think it would be that easy, right? Sorry xD_

**_Thank you for reading and please review! :)_**

**_xxxx_**


	3. Chapter 3

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for you reviews and follows! They make me happy :D

Also, my Twin Beef, a-lady-to-me, you are my holy saviour! Thank you all so much my love xo

**Disclaimer:** Same as chapter 1 and 2.

* * *

'Come on. Sit down.'

John looked at her with his eyes full of hate. He bit the piece of dry toast before leaving the kitchen.

'And you should stop with your silly fit, and start sleeping in our bed! You are my husband whether you like it or not. It's been two months, it's time to get over it!"

Indeed, two months. Two months had passed and he was still living with Vera. He felt disgusted thinking about sharing a bed with her. That wouldn't happen! Two months of refusing to sit at the table with her for meals. Two months of waiting for her to leave the house so he could just breath. So he could dig around and find something against her. Everyday he tried. Everyday he failed. He was living in hell.

His lawyer told him every week for him not to lose hope, that they would find something, but every day that passed it seemed more and more unlikely. Either Vera was behaving herself, or she was smart enough not to get caught, and John was sure that it was the latter.

Feeling helpless and beaten he went to his room, and sat by the small desk that had belonged to his late father. He had been able to move it in there from the living room shortly after he arrived from Downton.

Sighing, he looked down to the paper and ink that were before him. For days he had been trying to write a letter to Anna. To explain to her why he said those horrible things to her. To know if she was doing well...perhaps, somehow, there was still a chance? Perhaps they could keep in touch by letter and that would be enough? She had to know about his intentions. That somehow he was still fighting for them.

Thoughts of that one night they shared played repeatedly in his brain, second after second. He loved her so. He would wake up in the middle of the night in a sweat and calling her name.

Letters would never be enough, but if he could only have that little bit of her he would gladly take it. He would read her handwriting and remember the sound of her voice, her laugh, her smell, her whole being.

As he wrote he sobbed.

_'My Darling Anna,_

_There are no words to express how sorry I am for what I said to you. As the days pass I can't begin to forgive myself, but I'm not looking for your forgiveness. I don't deserve any of it. What I want you to know, my sweet, is that I could never regret our one night, and I could never regret loving you with such passion. That night we shared will forever be in my memory as the most wonderful time of all my life, and my love for you will only grow with time. I will love you until my dying day, but you have to understand that I have to do this. You were right. I didn't tell you the truth, and yes I am being gallant but I can't bear being the cause of your future misfortune. Know that I did not mean a word of what I said to you. I had to, but now I'm writing you to tell you the truth. I'm still fighting for us, and I will until you tell me to stop. I left with Vera with the purpose of finding something against her that I could use in court. To find a reason to divorce her. Sadly, to this day I have found nothing. But I'll keep trying, as long as you want me to._

_If all my attempts fail, or if you are so hurt that you'll never forgive me I'll understand. I just hope you can find a good man who loves you half as much as I do, and who understands you as much as I did. _

_Please, write me back. I would love to hear from you, always. _

_Forever yours, _

_John.'_

He was going to send it! She needed to know he didn't mean any of what he'd said that wretched morning. He dressed in his overcoat and put his hat on.

'Where are you going?' asked Vera. Her eyes burned with curiosity, but he left without saying a word. It was none of her business.

As he left the post office, after posting the letter and paying extra for the quickest delivering, he stopped before crossing the road and looked to both sides. _How strange… _He could swear that someone was staring at him. He could feel it..._Nevermind_, he thought.

XXXXXX

The bell of the post office door rang open. 'Hello, Mr Gordon. How are you doing today?' She made her presence known and smiled at the man.

'Doing well, Mrs Bates. What can I help you with?'

She approached the man and leaned towards him smiling. 'I was wondering,' she whispered 'if my husband posted a letter?'

'Indeed, he posted.' The man smiled back and licked his bottom lip. He reached from under the counter. 'Here you are, Anna Smith, Downton Abbey. Just like you said.'

'Knew he was going to write that harlot.' She huffed.

'Now, when will I get my reward for doing such a good job, Mrs Bates?'

'Well, you keep on doing your good job. Don't send or deliver any letters. Give them all to me, understand?'

'Understand.' The man smiled.

'And don't worry, you'll get your reward... soon.' She winked and left the post office with the letter in hand, and on that same night when John was asleep, she burned it.

XXXXXX

'Go to bed, Anna. You are pale as a sheet.'

'I'm quite alright, Mrs Hughes, I just need to sit down for a bit.' Anna smiling gently.

'None of it. Go upstairs for the rest of the afternoon.'

'Thank you, Mrs Hughes.'

The housekeeper smiled as Anna climbed the stairs to the servant's quarters. All the heartbreak caused by Mr Bates, and that wicked woman, had marked the poor girl deeper than she could have imagined. She felt sorry for them. Mrs Hughes knew that Mr Bates was a good man, no matter what, and Anna deserved so much better than a life of painful memories and crushed dreams.

XXXXXX

In her room, Anna took her uniform off. She wanted to lay for a moment and with her corset it was most uncomfortable.

After she did it, and wore only her undergarments, she approached the long mirror on the wall and started undoing her hair just a little. When she caught the sight of her image she froze.

Memories of that night were playing in her mind, as so often happened, as if they were happening just now. She missed him so much. So much to the point of being so painful that all she wanted to do was to crawl into bed and sleep for all eternity. All her nights were spent crying in silence so Ethel wouldn't hear her. Spent praying for him. Praying that he would write to her saying that he was coming back.

She cried. Why wasn't he responding to her letters? Two months had passed since that one night. She'd written to him three times, and although she wrote that she would wait for him forever, the truth was she didn't write everything. Not the whole truth. She didn't want him to think that she'd done it on purpose, that he had to come back because of this. She wanted him to come back willingly, not because it was his obligation...but she needed him so much. Now more than ever.

As her tears ran down her cheeks, she watched herself through the mirror. Dropping her hands to her stomach she caressed there gently through the fabric of her chemise.

'_God help us.' _

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**_A/N:_**

Yeppers! Anna's carrying a baby Bates. I hope you enjoyed this chapter and thank you for reading! :)


	4. Chapter 4

**A/N: **Thank you all so much for you reviews and follows, they mean a lot to me and making me more willing to keep working on this fic :D

My Twin Beef, without you this fic wouldn't be out there, I hope you know that ;-)

**Disclaimer:** Same as chapters 1 - 3.

* * *

'Here, let me help you.' Ethel said. 'I think you are putting on weight.' She giggled.

'I'm certainly not.' Anna spat. She was worried. Four months had passed since that night, and it was getting more and more difficult to hide the condition she was in. Her corset would be as tight as she could bear, but it was ever so painful, and she was worried for her baby. For their baby.

'Alright, I think it's good.'

'Thank you, Ethel.' Anna smiled, and rushed herself out of the room. Another day's work was beginning and that meant another day of longing, worrying, and pretending.

XXXXXX

_'Of course she hasn't written,'_ he whispered quietly to himself. Five letters he'd sent to her, and not a single reply had been received. Honestly he wasn't shocked; after the things he'd said to her he deserved her silence. He only hoped she was doing well, or better than him at the very least. Perhaps after some years had passed, and healed the wounds he left her to bear she would say something? He shook his head; the thought was unbearable. Waiting was too excruciating! He needed to hear from her. He needed to see her, to listen to her voice. Even if it was an angry one, it was no less than he deserved.

'What are you thinking about?' Her voice broke through the darkness of the kitchen like thunder, warning that a storm was coming, and indeed it was.

'That's none of your business.' John looked at Vera from the corner of his eyes.

'Still thinking about that floozy?' The smile on her face made all her words even more poisoned.

'Shut your filthy mouth, Vera! I'm warning you.' He shouted.

'Oh! I'm so scared...' she brought her hand to her mouth to hide her cackle.

'One day, I promise, you'll regret everything.' John said, grabbing his overcoat and putting his hat on. With a last furious look he opened the front door and left.

'Where're you goin..Stupid man.' Rolling her eyes she took a letter from her bag and threw it in the burning fireplace. 'There goes your floozy...Mr Bates.' She laughed until her eyes were watery from both hate and satisfaction.

XXXXXXX

'Will she be alright, Doctor Clarkson?'

'She will, Mrs Hughes. It was only a pressure drop. That corset was too tight as well,' the doctor reassured the housekeeper. 'But please, keep an eye on her. She needs to be taken care of in her condition. She's very nervous. It's not good either to her and the baby. And please, tell her to loosen her corset, I know that...no one can know, but it will only cause harm.'

Mrs Hughes eyes widened at the doctor's speech. _A baby? Oh my! _Surelyhe thought she knew about it.

'I'll tell her all that. Don't worry, I'll keep an eye on her.' she replied with a kind smile without giving away her ignorance towards Anna's _condition,_ but in her head a million questions were waiting for an answer. An answer that she would have.

'Good day, Mrs Hughes.'

'Doctor.'

Mrs Hughes made her way to Anna's room. She couldn't believe it. She should have known. All the sickness and tiredness...Anna was pregnant. But..._Oh my! So, Mr Bates was the father?!_

'Hello, my girl. How are you feeling now?'

'Much better.' Anna tried to smile, unsure. _Did the doctor tell her?_

'Doctor Clarkson said you will be alright.'

'Yes, he said that.' She nodded.

'Anna...' Mrs Hughes sighed as she sat down in the chair next to Anna's bed.

'He told you?'

'Yes, he did. But I want to hear it from you.'

Anna breathed in. She gathered her courage and spoke. 'I am with child.' She looked down to her hands. 'Mr Bates' child.'

'But…'

'On the night before he left.' She couldn't bear to look the housekeeper in the eyes.

Mrs Hughes took a deep breath. 'What now?'

'I'm going to write to my mother. Ask her if I can live with them again. I'll be ruined if I stay here.' Anna tried to hold her tears. She was tired of crying.

'What about Mr Bates?'

'I don't know.'

'You have to write to him, Anna. It's his child.'

'I've done that, Mrs Hughes. At first I didn't write about the baby, but I did in the last letter. He doesn't reply to any of them. He despises me for what I've done...' she sobbed bringing her hands to her face.

'What if you try to see him in Lon...'

'I don't want him to feel that he has an obliga….'

'But he has an obligation! He played just as much a part in making this baby as you did. This child is _both_ of your obligation and responsibility, whether you want it or not. ' Mrs Hughes sighed at the harshness of her words. 'He needs to know that he'll be a father. Surely he won't despise you, Anna.' Her words were softer now.

'What if he does? What if he hates me? What if he thinks I got myself pregnant just to get him stuck?!'

'He won't think that of you, Anna. He knows you, and he loves you. No matter what happened. He knows that you wouldn't' do that.'

Mrs Hughes took Anna's hands in hers. Anna and Mr Bates had done wrong, but she couldn't judge them.

'You have to write as soon as possible to your mother. You are showing already,' she said looking at the small swell of Anna's stomach, 'and you can't be here like that. Tightening your corset won't do.'

'I'll post the letter tomorrow morning and speak to Lady Mary tonight... and I'm going to write to Mr Bates one more time.'

'And after you do it, pray to God for help and mercy, my darling girl.'

As she would pray. Oh yes, she would pray for both of them with all the strength she had in her.

* * *

**A/N:** Short chapter I know. I needed this chapter to fill for what will happen next. I hope you liked it all the same and thanks for reading :)


	5. Chapter 5

**A/N: **Thank you so much, a-lady-to-me, for all the help! You rock, Twin!

And thank you all for reviewing and following :)

New chapter, new adversities. Hope you "enjoy".

**Disclaimer: **Same as chapter 1 - 4.

* * *

'Here it is.'

'It took longer than I thought really, but I knew that floozy would write to him again.' She said shoving the letter in her bag.

'Won't you read it?'

'Why would I?'

'Who knows?! Perhaps she wrote something you can use against him...or something that you would like to read.'

She huffed. 'You are stupid. Bet she only writes silly words of love and longing.' Mr Gordon rolled his eyes.

'And you better not say a word about this to anyone. Understand?'

'As long as you visit me regularly, I won't.'

'Don't worry. I'll be there tomorrow. I said I would, and I will.' Vera winked, and left the post office.

As she walked down the street she noticed that her bag felt particularly heavy. She didn't carry much, and it wasn't like this before. Curiously, she opened her bag to look inside and she saw the letter. Anna Smith's letter that was meant to burn in the fireplace once she arrived home, just like all the others. She stared at it and a burning desire grew inside her. Perhaps that silly man was right. Perhaps she would win something if she read it. The curiosity to know the content of the letter was now unbearable. She looked around and saw a bench on the other side of the road. She walked towards it and sat down.

Taking the envelope in her hands she ripped the seal and unfolded the letter. Her eyes were wide as she read it, and she started shaking. 'Pregnant?!' That bitch!'

The rage she had in her made her eyes watery. She read it one more time. _So, they had been together. __One night? One night only?_ The tears fell down her cheeks. _That floozy will give my husband a child?_! _That child should be mine, not hers!_

Vera closed her eyes for a moment, thinking, plotting, breathing, '_She's leaving Downton...' _and when she opened them again she reached in her bag and took her handkerchief to clean her tears as an evil smile formed again on her features. Vera was not a woman to despair for long. As she smiled her mind started working. '

You'll be ruined my girl. My husband will never know about your bastard child.'

Once she arrived home she went to the living room to send the letter to its burning destination, but she jumped when she saw John sitting there in the darkness.

'Goodness sake!' She placed her hand over her heart. 'You gave me a fright! What are you doing here in the dark?'

'Plotting.' He whispered.

She sighed and rolled her eyes. 'Nevermind. Stay there you old fool.' _I can do it later__, _she thought as she went to her room. After locking the door she opened the last drawer of her vanity table and slipped the letter underneath all her undergarments. If she left it in her bag she was afraid he would find it or she would lose it. It would be safe in here.

XXXXXX

'I wish you all the luck, my girl.'

'Thank you, Mrs Hughes...I hope Lady Mary can forgive me someday.' Anna sighed.

'She wouldn't be so upset if you told her the truth.' The housekeeper said in a gentle voice.

'I can't, Mrs Hughes...I can't.' She looked down.

'I understand my girl...Take care of yourself, and your wee babe. I'll come visit you whenever I can.' She smiled tenderly.

'Thank you so very much.' Anna had tears in her eyes as they awaited for the train to arrive.

'I just wish all of this had been different. Are you sure you shouldn't go to London to speak to Mr Bates personally?'

'I wrote one more time, and you wrote him as well. He didn't answer...I don't want his pity, Mrs Hughes. If he doesn't want this child then I won't force it on him. My mother will take care of us, and my husband died in the war. That's my story now, Mrs Hughes. I'm a widow.' Anna lifted her chin up as she spoke. Mr Bates had disappointed her more than any other person ever had, but she wouldn't cry because of it. She was the one who went to his room and seduced him. He's only a man, and men have needs. Perhaps what he said that morning when he left...perhaps he was being honest about it, and she'd naively thought he was just being gallant.

'Will you bear your mother's wicked words towards you and your child, Anna?'

'She's right, isn't she? My baby is... a bastard.' She gulped at her own words, and dropped her hands to her stomach. She felt sorry for her unborn child. A child that would never know his father. That would be his fate; her "gift" to him, or her.

The train called one last time.

'See you soon, my dear girl. I'll write to you.'

'Good bye.'

Anna sat down in one of the third class wagons. Looking down she caressed her stomach. She was five months now, and it was really difficult to hide it. Though she wouldn't have to hide it any longer.

_'I promise I'll live only and wholly for you.'_

And for the first time ever she felt her baby kick ever so gently. It took her by surprise and she smiled. As small tears fell down her cheeks she thought of him. How she wished he could have been here with her. To witness everything. But no. He wasn't. He despised her for what she did. She never thought he would. She always thought he would understand and support her...how wrong she was; how naive. Perhaps she was getting everything she deserved. Although something told her every night that there was something wrong about all this. Something told her that he still loved her. That he wanted this child. She didn't know what, but every night when she laid her head on her pillow some voice would tell her that he was still there waiting for her. Perhaps one day he would come back to her arms again, and she would forgive him. Of course she would. She still loved him more than anything. And all she wished was for him to be well and happy.

XXXXXX

'Are you sure there's nothing for me?'

'I'm sure, Mr Bates. Everything is posted on your door as usual.'

'Yes, I know but...Sometimes letters get lost and I thought, maybe, some letter fell, or I don't know...' he sighed, 'I'm sorry to bother you, Mr Gordon.'

'No worries, Mr Bates. At your service.'

John gave the man a small smile and exited the post office. As he did, Mr Gordon grinned.

XXXXXX

John had a dream that same night. In his dream Anna had replied to his letters. All of them. All nine of them. In the letters she wrote that she was ever so sorry for the delay. That she had been busy and hurt. But time had healed her heart and she still loved him. Also in his dream, he visited her and she had greeted him with open arms and a kiss. A kiss just like the ones they shared that night. Passionate and full of longing and desire.

But in the end it was just a dream. Was she so hurt that she would never again write to him? Even if only to say that she was doing well?

John sighed as he walked down the street; tears burning in his eyes just like they usually did.

If only his dream could come true..._wait!_ He thought once and twice. He stopped walking and looked around. He felt lost as his thoughts ran away from him, refusing to give him an answer. _What should I do?_

From behind him he heard a train arriving and all of a sudden his mind was clear.

_I'm going to visit her. If only to see her one last time._

XXXXXX

'Good afternoon.'

'Good afternoon, Sir.'

'I was looking...' John was scared. What if she didn't want to see him? He had to do it though. He needed to know if she was alright.

'Dinner will be served in a moment, I can't stay here chatting with you all day, Mr…?'

'Mr Bates.' He stared at the young man. _A new footman_, he thought.

'Mr Bates?' The young man awaited.

'Can you tell Anna...Anna Smith that...'

'Anna Smith? The head housemaid?'

'Exactly.' John gave a small smile.

'I'm sorry Mr Bates, but Anna's not working here anymore. She left a few days ago.'

'Left?' His heart stopped as his breath caught in his throat. His head was spinning so fast that everything around him became a messy blur, making him feel sick to his stomach. _She left?! _

'Yes. Left. Went to work for another house, I think. No one knows really. Bet she wants it to be a secret.' The footman glanced at John's cane in disgust.

'Thank you for your time.' John forced a smile while his head was pounding as hard as he could ever remember.

The young man looked at John from head to toe one more time and closed the door.

John couldn't move. He tried to but his legs didn't answer. _She left? No one knows where she is?_ She was running from him. She didn't want him to find her, and after all the letters he sent she thought it would be better just to leave without a trace.

He walked then. Heavily. Tired. Old. Finished. As if he was stepping on his heart. Much more painful than the bullet that went through his knee all those years ago. He should have died there...he shouldn't even have been born at all. All he had ever done in his life anyway was cause misery to the people that he loved. Tears fell as he realised that he was going to be miserable... forever.

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**A/N:** Thank you for reading :)


	6. Chapter 6

**A/N:** I can't begin to thank you all for your kind words. I'm so glad you are enjoying this fic, it's hard to write because feels but it's also so good, and to answer some of you, yes it's really fun to write Vera though I hate myself most of the time xD Thank you all so so so much!

Things move on a bit in this chapter, I hope you like it :) Happy Friday and hope you all have a great weekend!

**Disclaimer:** Same as chapter 1 - 5.

* * *

'Here's some clothes. Told Mrs Todd your child was soon to be born and she gave me these. They're from her boy, he's too big for them now.'

'That's nice of her.' Anna smiled at the pile of white baby clothes.

'Yes...Though I'm sure she wouldn't give them to you if she knew you were carrying a little bastard.'

Anna sighed. 'You don't have to say that all the time, do you?'

'Watch your tongue, missy. You are in my house and you'll listen to what I have to say.' Her mother replied as harsh as usual.

'Years have made you bitter.'

'Life has made me bitter! Just like it will make you bitter. More than me I can tell you. A woman your age, with a child and no husband...'

'If you keep talking about it, everyone will listen.'

'Gold help us!...Your father would be so disappointed... thank God he's not among us to see how low you've fallen...Oh well, take these upstairs and see if they need to be fixed.'

Anna took the pile and went to her room. Her mother had been "kind" enough to give her a room. A room she wouldn't have to share with her brother.

She closed the door behind her and sat down on the narrow bed with the clothes in her lap. She breathed in. _Will it always be like this? The constant humiliation?_ Anna shook her head and looked to the pile.

Her smile grew as she unfolded piece by piece. Even unfolding clothes was difficult now, with such a large belly, she thought smiling, touching the spot where the baby was kicking. Their baby would look adorable in those...their baby. She always called it that in her mind. Their baby. Maybe the child would never meet its father, but it would forever be a Bates.

As she kept unfolding the clothes a very old humming escaped from her lips. A humming that the more she thought about, she couldn't remember where she had listened to it. A tune that her mother said that hadn't come from her. Though the more she hummed the old melody the more she thought that it was perfect for their baby. She smiled at the thought, and then she thought of him again. Just like she always did. Would he be humming for their baby if they were together? Would he sing lullabies and rock their baby to sleep? Those thoughts were never far from her mind, though sometimes she was so hurt and frightened by them she would pretend they weren't there. But they were, always, and the more time that passed, the more those thoughts kept her company, often during the night, when she was alone with only silence and her unborn child as her friends.

Anna looked down at her ever growing belly, and caressed there as she felt the baby kick again. Ever the energetic little one. A tear slid down her cheek...she would never know. _My poor love._

'Anna?'

'Jeremy.' she smiled cleaning her the tear with her thumb. 'Come in!'

Her brother entered the room, and she patted the bed for him to sit down next to her. Jeremy Smith was twenty three years old, the youngest of all her siblings, and his heart and soul were just like Anna's. He was kind and understanding. A beautiful young man with blonde, curly hair, bright blue eyes, and fair skin. He used to help their father with the farm, and then he'd become the farmer himself after their father died, but his dream was to be a writer. And indeed, he was an excellent writer.

'Are you alright?'

'Yes, I'm alright.' she looked down.

'I'm sorry about Mum.'

'Oh, it's fine. Mother's are always impossible, aren't they?' They both giggled.

'You won't be impossible.' He said looking down to his sister's belly.

'Thank you.'

'You know,' he looked at her with a shine in his eyes. 'I'm writing a little book to your babe. It's about a little pony.' He giggled shyly. 'You know I'm more fond of writing about people, but I had to write a book to my nephew, or niece.' He smiled.

Anna's eyes were teary at such beautiful gesture. 'Thank you so much, Jeremy! I'm sure he or she will love it.' They held hands.

'I never told you, but I'm ever so sorry about your husband.'

'Oh, it's alright. Life goes on.' She sighed. Anna hated to lie to her brother.

'It must be terrible to be a widow so young, and expecting a child.'

'Jeremy...' she sighed again. She couldn't lie any longer. 'I have a confession.'

'Of course. You know you can trust me.' he gave her a tender smile.

'I'm not a widow.'

'You aren't?'

'No. And I'm not married either.'

The young man was confused. 'But then...'

'That's why Mother is so bitter towards me. The father of my child... is a married man.'

'What?!'

'A man I worked with at Downton. He was His Lordship's valet.'

Jeremy stared at her with his blue eyes as wide as ever. He frowned thinking. 'Did he force...'

'No. He did not. I loved him...I love him.'

'Please, Anna. Tell me everything.' He squeezed her hands, encouraging her.

'Alright...I will tell you...everything.'

XXXXXX

The servants were all in high spirits that and gossiping about this and that. Thomas was now a sergeant, and thought he was the owner of everything and everybody. The man always thought too highly of himself, now it was most annoying.

'We also had a valet with a limp.' Said Thomas mocking. 'Mr Bates.'

'Mr Bates?' said Andrew, one of the newest footman. He had been working in the house for four months now. Because of his asthma, the young man couldn't go to war. Not just yet.

'Yes. Mr Bates.' Thomas replied.

'That's odd.'

'Why odd, Andrew?' Mrs Hughes asked.

'Oh...a few months ago this man called Mr Bates, he had a limp, was here asking after Anna. You know. The housemaid that left.'

'What?! When?'

'As I said Mrs Hughes, a few months ago. Three, four months?' The young man frowned thinking. 'Not long after I started working here, but I remember him. He had a cane and asked after Anna, and when I said she had left to work elsewhere his face fell to the ground.'

Mrs Hughes couldn't believe it. 'What else did he say?'

'Nothing.'

The housekeeper stood up from her chair and went to her sitting room.

Mr Carson followed her. 'What's the matter, Mrs Hughes?'

'Oh! You can't even imagine Mr Carson.' She replied while looking for something in the drawers of her desk.

'What are you looking for?'

'For an address...and... Oh! Here it is...' she gave a victorious smile and held the little note in both her hands. 'Knew I had kept it...Mr Carson, I'm going to London tomorrow. Can you handle everything

without me for the afternoon?'

'To London? Whatever for?'

'I'm sorry Mr Carson, but that's none of your business.' She raised her brow and sighed. 'Perhaps one day I'll tell you, but today is not the day.' She stated in her Scottish lilt.

XXXXXX

'Mother!' Anna's voice echoed in the silence of the night. 'Mother?!'

'Whatever is the matter?' Her mother and brother entered her room running.

'I think...I think it's time...' Anna said looking down at her wet sheets. Upon the sight, Jeremy kneeled down on the floor next to Anna's bed and held her hand.

'Oh my god. When did it happen?'

'Just now.' She replied, shutting her eyes tight, and squeezing her brother's hand.

'Are you in pain?' Her brother looked at her in shock.

'A little.' She was in pain and she was scared. So very scared.

'Alright then, Jeremy go call the midwife.'

'What?'

'Mrs Marling!' She rolled her eyes. 'The midwife. Go call her.' The young man nodded, and kissed Anna's forehead before running out of the room 'There's no rush!...' Her mother shouted. They would have hours and hours to go still. 'Don't worry, everything will be all right. Had six children myself, never died once.' Mrs Smith said, trying to cheer up her daughter, but failing.

She approached Anna then, and patted her head just like she used to do when she was a child. 'You are a strong girl. In a few hours you will be holding your babe.' She managed to give a tender smile, and Anna smiled back at her mother. Many years ago, her mother had been all tenderness and kindness, and even though life changed her sometimes her old self would show.

'I'm scared.' Anna trembled as if she was freezing.

'I know, Anna. Having a baby is scary...but not as scary as raising the child in a lie.'

And in that moment Anna realised that was it. What she was most afraid of was raising the baby. Telling the child its story knowing all of it would be a lie. Telling the young adult that its Father was this and that and it would all be a lie. Their baby would grow up not knowing it's real self, and that's what she was afraid of. In her belly she could feel it, protect it, and hide it from the world; hide it from the truth, but after today her world would be her child and her child would be part of the world.

* * *

**A/N:** Mrs Hughes to the rescue! Or not...you'll have to wait and read mwahahahaha. But hey, at least she'll try ;-) did you really think Mrs Hughes herself would fail her Anna? Nopes.

Thank you for reading! =D


	7. Chapter 7

**A/N: **Good Friday to all! Here it is, ONE of the chapters you are all waiting for...I hope you enjoy it! :) Thank you all for your kind words. They mean a lot to me. Hope you all have a great weekend!

**Disclaimer:** Same as chapter 1 - 6.

* * *

Mrs Hughes waited on the other side of the road. She could see Mr Bates' house from where she was standing. Should she go in there and spill everything she knew? Was it right? Without Anna knowing?

She'd thought about it more than a million times already. He had gone after Anna after all. Perhaps to apologise. It was his child and it was his right to know about it. Something told her that Mr Bates would come to terms with everything and support Anna; if only he knew where she was.

But she would talk to him first before talking to Anna. She didn't want to bother the poor girl, not in the state she was in. Not when she was so close to due. She would ask him why he didn't answer their letters? What would he do now? She wanted to be sure of his good intentions before speaking to Anna. She sighed. There was a battle happening inside her head. '_Oh Lord, if only you could give me a sign...guide me...'_

'Mrs Hughes?'

The voice behind her made her jump, and she turned to face him. 'Oh! Mr Bates?!'

She was a little surprised, looking up at him almost as if she was trying to recognise this tall and heavy figure standing in front of her. He looked much older; his face was tired, and he had dark circles under his eyes. She felt sorry for him, he looked finished and shaken, as if life had slipped through his fingers. Was Anna the cause of all this?

'What are you doing here?' He asked with a warm smile playing in his features, and for a moment she recognised him. 'Didn't know the family was in London.'

'Actually, they are not...' She sighed nervously, this was the sign she had asked for. 'I've come to talk to you.'

'To me?' John frowned confused.

'Yes, to you, Mr Bates.'

Looking to the sky above he took a deep breath before speaking. 'Mrs Hughes, if you came to talk about Anna...I understand why she felt the need to run away from me.'

'What?! I'm sorry but...'

'I understand she wants to keep her distance after all I've done, and I shouldn't have written to her. She thought... perhaps, that I was pressuring her.'

'You wrote to Anna?'

'I did...more than once...she didn't tell you?'

'She didn't tell me because she didn't get any of your letters, Mr Bates.' She brought her right hand to her chest desperately.

'But, I wrote to her!' He said, raising his voice.

'She wrote to you.'

'She did?'

'She did and I did as well.'

'I haven't received any of your letters...I went after her a few months ago, and she was not working at Downton anymore and I thought...'

'She's not working at Downton because she had to hide her state.'

'Her state?'

Mrs Hughes looked at him in the eyes and took a deep breath. 'Mr Bates, Anna's carrying a child. Your child.'

She watched as his face changed from confusion to panic and realisation, 'What? A child?' _No, that couldn't be right. No, no. This is a joke_. John tried to remain calm while his heart jumped out of his chest. He tightened the grip on his cane. 'Mrs Hughes, are you sure of..'

'Of course I'm sure. I sent her away. She's at her mother's farm! I just don't understand how the letters got lost.'

'Lost?' _Lost? Hidden! Vera..._

XXXXXX

'Where are they?' John bursted into the house, shouting.

'What are you talking about?' Upon the noise, Vera came from their kitchen with a confused look on her face.

'Vera! Where are the letters?' He stared at her with his eyes red from hate.

'Oh my god, are you mad? What letters?' She was scared now, nervous. How did he know about the letters?!

'Tell me!' He shouted from the top of his lungs. And when Vera looked at him with frightened eyes, for she had never seen him so angry in all her life, she saw Mrs Hughes coming behind him. Vera's eyes widened in understanding then.

The two women faced each other while John looked for the letters everywhere he could imagine.

'You had no right...' Vera growled.

'Oh, Mrs Bates...' The housekeeper kept her chin high, and a cold look in her eyes. 'I had every right.'

'Tell me where...' John came from the kitchen shouting when he suddenly stopped. Turning his neck to his left he glanced at Vera's room. He looked back at her and grinned.

When she understood what he was thinking a cold sweat rose from her feet to her head. The letter. The letter was still there. She had forgotten about it. He walked towards the room calmly and she ran and tried to block his way.

'Don't you dare to touch my things!'

'Get out of my away, Vera. I'm going in there.' He raised his brow.

As she looked up at him she knew there was no need to delay anything else. He knew.

She entered the room herself and opened the last drawer of her vanity table, took the letter and gave it to him.

'Just one?'

'I burned the others.' She said triumphantly, as if burning them had brought her happiness. And indeed it had.

He grimaced but that was exactly what he expected from her. He opened the letter, unfolded it with shaky hands, and read it. His eyes were starving for all the words. Running over them as if he was running against time.

_Mr Bates...I'm leaving...I just want you to know...I'm going to my mother's farm...I don't want you to feel sorry for us…I'll raise our baby...if you ever want to meet your child...Anna._

'You bitch! You knew she was pregnant and you didn't tell me!'

Mrs Hughes raised her brow, and nodded from where she stood in the living room. _Indeed_, she was a bitch.

'Of course I didn't! I'm not stupid! I knew as soon as you knew about it you would run after your floozy and your bastard child!'

Everything went red, and he couldn't control himself. Truth to be told he didn't want to. As soon as her words were spoken he slapped her with all the hate he had in him, making Vera fall against the wall.

Mrs Hughes eye's widened at John's reaction. She brought her hand to her mouth and silence fell in the house. Although she thought that the slap was well deserved.

John breathed slowly taking in what he had just done. Never in all his life had he held his hand to hit a woman, but this time he was glad for it.

'That was the last time you will ever call her that. And that was also the last time you will call my child a bastard.'

'Where are you going?' Vera's tears fell then, and she touched her burning cheek.

'You were right. I'm running after them.'

'I'll report you for violence...' She said eyeing him.

'Whatever you want.' He said, looking at her in disgust. 'I don't care about what you do or say. You are poison Vera, and you poison everyone around you.' He put his hat on walking towards Mrs Hughes, who was in silence. 'Oh, and I've been thinking...I was suspicious about you going out every day and taking hours to come back. Doing errands and coming home with nothing in hand...I know now that your errands must had something to do with Mr Gordon from the post office...that's how you stopped the letters from being delivered.'

Vera stared at him, and he knew he was right.

'Well then, report me for violence and I'll report you for adultery.' He raised his brow as if daring her to do it. 'You are an easy woman Vera. Men like you for that. Only for that. And that's why I married you, because you were easy enough.' He looked at her one last time, almost feeling sorry for her.

Mrs Hughes left then, and he followed her.

XXXXXX

'I'm sorry you had to hear all of that.' John said looking down to his feet.

'It's quite alright, Mr Bates. I'm afraid she deserved every bit of it.'

He nodded.

'Tell me. Where's their farm?'

'You won't be going alone, Mr Bates.' The housekeeper smiled. 'I'm going with you.'

John smiled back and they both headed to the train station.

'Prepare yourself though. You won't be welcomed.'

'I'm sure I won't.'

'Anna's mother...she's not a kind soul.'

'I know that.' He sighed. 'Anna used to tell me about her. I'm sure she's been bullying her, and that's all my fault.'

'But you know now, and you'll be there for her. That's all she needs.'

'I hope so...'

'I know so, Mr Bates.' She read the fear in his eyes. 'She will be happy to see you.'

'Will she? She must think I despise her and our child.'

'Yes, that's exactly what she thinks.' He looked at Mrs Hughes with panic written in his eyes. 'But you don't, and you'll tell her that.' She gave him a reassuring smile. 'Anna loves you so very much.'

'Still?'

'Forever, Mr Bates.'

In a bold motion she reached for his hand that was resting on his cane, and squeezed it in support. He looked down and smiled. 'Thank you, Mrs Hughes. For everything.'

'Nevermind that…now I want to know what you'll do?'

'I'll take Anna with me. Find some place to stay where no one knows us, so we can be together until I fix everything with...Vera. I need to find a job to support Anna and the baby...I don't want to spend mother's money...I don't know if I'll need it for the divorce proceedings. It'll be difficult but we'll be together, and that's all that matters.'

They dropped their hands. 'Where will you go then? With Anna in her condition...she could have the baby at any moment now.'

John sighed. 'She's nine months along...I don't know yet. I need to think about it. But I'll take her with me and we'll live together, the three of us, like a family. I want her and our child with me. We'll live in sin, but...we already sinned so it won't make any difference. Then when I'm divorced I'll marry her, and give her the status she deserves.''

'Well...I have a cousin in Norfolk. He owns a pub. I can write to him and ask him to take you in. A helping hand is always needed. Even more now that all the working men are at war.'

'I'm not a man to beg for a job or to ask for favours, but I'll accept your offer Mrs Hughes. Gladly. Thank you.'

'Alright then. I'll write to him, and post the letter tomorrow. He has a small flat above the pub to rent, if it's still free I'm sure he'll rent it to you.' She smiled. 'You'll see, everything will align in your favour, Mr Bates. We only have to be patient.'

They both smiled and in the distance they heard the train making it's arrival known.

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**A/N: **There you go, Bates is going to meet Anna! YAY Mrs Hughes you rock!

Hmmm...don't forget Anna's mother is not very kind and well, Vera is still around as well...we'll see...we'll see ;-)

Thank you for reading!


	8. Chapter 8

**A/N:** Hello everyone. So here it is! Will Bates be there in time? Will he meet his baby? Read and you'll find out xD

Thank you for all your support! It means a lot to me :D I hope you like this chapter!

**Disclaimer:** Same as chapter 1 - 7.

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'Push now!' The midwife commanded. 'Push as much as you can when you feel a contraction.'

Mrs Smith wiped her daughter's brow with a wet cloth.

'I'm so tired.' Anna breathed in.

Mrs Smith looked down at her daughter and smiled. 'I know you are, that's normal. Just do as Mrs Marling tells you.'

'Mother...' she grabbed her mother's sleeve, '...my child is a Bates.'

'What are you talking about, Anna?!'

'Boy or girl, its last name will be Bates...we dreamed of being married, we loved each other that night...' as the contractions grew closer and stronger she breathed in and out rapidly. The pain was now unbearable. 'My child will sign as Bates, and if it's a boy he'll sign it until the day he dies.'

'Anna...stop...'

'We need more water!' Said the midwife

'I'll fetch some.'

XXXXXX

Downstairs, Jeremy was waiting at the table. Listening to the whines and moans of his sister. He cringed every time. All of a sudden he heard someone knocking at the door.

'Mrs Hughes! Come in ple...' his smile fell into a curious look when he saw the man by her side.

'Good afternoon, Jeremy.' Mrs Hughes' warm smile played on her features. 'This is Mr Bates...he's...'

'Mr Bates?!' Jeremy looked at the housekeeper confused.

'You know who Mr Bates is?' She raised her brow.

'I know about everything...Anna told me.' He said looking at John from head to toe. John tried to force a smile but had to look away when Jeremy's look burned on him.

'Who's this?' Mrs Smith voice startled them.

'Mother? Is everything alright?'

'Of course it is. I just came to fetch some water.'

'Why is it taking so long?'

'Childbirth takes some time, Jeremy.' She rolled her eyes.

'What?' John stepped in front of Mrs Hughes abruptly, holding his hat. 'Anna's having the baby?'

'Who are you?'

'I'm...I'm John Bates.'

As he spoke Mrs Smith's grimaced in realisation and her eyes turned from curiosity to anger.

She looked at her son. 'What's this bastard doing here, Jeremy?' She looked at Mrs Hughes then. 'You brought him?'

'Mrs Smith, can we please come in?' Mrs Hughes pleaded.

'I want to explain everything.' Said John, his face sure but his heart as guilty as ever.

'No! My daughter is upstairs having a baby! A burden that you left her to deal with all on her own.'

'Please, Mrs...'

'Tell me Mr Bates, did your wife come along with you to see your child?'

John looked down in embarrassment because she was right. He had no right to take offense from it but it hurt, not because it was a lie but because it was the terrible truth.

As a married man he had no right to stake any claim on Anna, but he did have rights with the child. His embarrassment quickly changed to anger. That was his child, whom he already loved fiercely. He wanted to protect it from the harshness of this world. First Vera had called it a bastard, and now it's own grandmother thought it a burden. That was unacceptable, and he had to bite his tongue to keep from lashing out at her. After all this was all his fault.

'Mother!' Jeremy's voice startled them. 'You will fetch the water you need, and Mr Bates and Mrs Hughes will come in.'

'Have you gone mad, child?!'

'No mother, I have not. As much as I despise everything he did,' the young man looked at John with defiant eyes, then sighed, 'I know Anna loves him and he's the father of her child. She will be pleased to see him, I'm sure.'

'What do you kno...'

'I know because she told me so! Just before you told me to get out of the room. She told me all she wished was for him to be here and he is! So please,' a moan came from upstairs and they all looked up in shock. 'Go fetch the water at once.'

Mrs Smith looked at her son surprised by his reaction, but when a second moan was heard she ran, fetched the water, and went upstairs.

XXXXXX

Anna's smile was broader than ever. Her tears threatened to fall as she looked down at the little baby in her arms. When the midwife told her, over the little one's crying, that she'd had a beautiful girl Anna felt as if her heart would jump out of her chest. A girl. Just like she wanted. And as soon as she held her in her arms she fell in love for the second time in her life.

Suddenly she heard a soft knock on the door, and when she looked up she saw Mrs Hughes coming in with a gentle smile on her face.

'Mrs Hughes! You came at just the right moment.' She said grinning.

'I said I would be here when your babe was born, didn't I?'

'I wasn't sure you would guess, but I can see how wrong I was.'

Mrs Hughes approached Anna, and looked down at the bundle in her arms. 'Oh my Lord, she's beautiful. Bless her.' The housekeeper caressed the little ones chubby fist watching how her fingers spread with her touch.

'Beautiful and healthy, the midwife said.' Anna smiled down at her daughter. 'She has black hair.'

'She does...' Mrs Hughes stared at Anna sure of what she was thinking.

'Just like her father.'

'Well, sometimes they are born with dark hair and then it turns blonde.'

'I know.' Anna said disappointed. 'I hope it doesn't...I want to remember him every time I look at her. After all...she's the only thing I have of him.'

'You have his love as well.'

'Do I, Mrs Hughes? I don't think I do.' Anna sniffed trying to hold back her tears.

'Well...I'm sure you do.' Anna looked up at her with confusion in her eyes, Mrs Hughes could only smile

'There's someone who wants to see you.'

'Who?' Anna rose her chin up and her features displayed a mixture of curiosity and expectation. It was time to be happy now, not sad.

Mrs Hughes smiled at her once more and left saying. 'You'll see.'

Anna looked down at her newborn daughter again. 'We have a visitor.' Their baby was beautiful, perfect. Little curls of black hair on the top of her head and long lashes. Her nose was round just like a little button, and she had chubby cheeks that made her pink rosy lips pout. Anna touched her soft hair and smiled teary. If only her beloved Mr. Bates could be here to see this beautiful sight along with her.

Just then she heard another soft knock on the door and as she looked up there he was. At first Anna thought she was dreaming or hallucinating, but as he came into the room and she heard the so familiar sound of his cane she was sure he was real.

John stopped in the middle of the room unsure of what to do, and looked at her with tears in his eyes. She looked so beautiful. Her blonde locks cascading down her shoulders and her cheeks flushed. He could still see the remaining of sweat that had fallen down her forehead during the deliver, but he was amazed by how much she glowed. And the reason was the little one who was now wrapped in a white blanket in her arms.

His eyes were on Anna and he was scared. He wasn't sure if she wanted him there. He didn't want to take that light away from her, again. The last thing he wanted was to make her feel bad, uncomfortable, sad. That's exactly what he made her feel during all these months. He sighed to himself and felt his limbs shaking and he had to close his free hand in a fist to control himself.

'Don't you want to see your child, Mr Bates?' She noticed in that moment how much older he looked since that last time she'd seen him, nine months ago. The tall broad man that he once was, now seemed to be hiding under the cloak of a weak and beaten one. It made Anna's heart ache to see him in such a state, but she found solace in knowing that he'd been just as affected by their separation as she'd been.

He nodded unable to speak.

'Well...you better come closer then, she won't just stand up and walk towards you.' Her eyes were soft on him and he could swear that a small smile was playing on her features. She was still his Anna. Smiling at her words he did as she said.

When he lingered next to the bed she patted the sheets next to her. 'You can sit down.' Slowly, without taking his eyes off her, he sat down gently right next to her.

Anna didn't know what to say or do. She was happy and scared, mad and angry, relieved and nervous, she said the first thing that popped in her head.

'It's a girl.'

'I know.' He choked out unable to control his tears.

'Do you want to...' she said holding the baby out towards him.

'Yes...yes I'd love to.'

He took the little girl in his arms and rested her against his warm chest. 'She's beautiful.' He whispered. His heart was racing and a million feelings were playing inside him, but none of them were stronger than the feeling of love and peace he was feeling as he held his daughter.

Anna was silent, just staring at them. Only tears fell from her eyes as she took in the sight before her.

'Mr Bates...'

'Anna. I am so, so sorry.'

Her lower lip trembled uncontrollably. 'Why didn't you...'

'Anna. I didn't know.' He looked down at the baby. 'I didn't know about you, or the baby…' He looked up at Anna again. 'Vera, she hid our letters. She burned them. Mrs Hughes told me today. It was just this morning that I found out that you were expecting; that you tried to write to me.' Anna was confused, she was looking down trying to take everything in. 'I went to Downton four months ago, and a footman told me you had left to work elsewhere...' He cried, 'I was heartbroken and left. I didn't want to believe I had lost you forever. Until today,' the baby shifted in his arms, and he rocked his body to settle her. 'Mrs Hughes found me and told me the truth. And now I'm here, Anna. I'm here with you, forever.'

'But...what about Vera? Are you divorced?' Anna was playing nervously with the hem of the baby's white blanket.

'No, not yet. But I will be. Meanwhile, if everything goes as I plan, we'll go to Norfolk, the three of us.' He smiled down at their daughter. 'And we'll stay there until the divorce is finished. Then we can go elsewhere. To start a new life, properly.'

'I...I don't...'

'Don't think about it now. I'll take care of everything. You rest. Take care of yourself and our baby and then, when you can travel, I'll come to take you...unless...' his face fell and he felt his stomach twinge with fear. 'Unless you don't want to. Unless you don't want to give me another chance? I completely understand if...'

'Of course I want to.' She cried interrupting him, still confused and very tired. 'That's all I want! To be with you. But I can't travel now...'

'Next month. Will you be able to travel next month?'

'The midwife said I should be able to stand next week.'

'No, I won't take you next week. It's too dangerous. You just had a baby. You need to rest and gather your strength.'

She suddenly felt sad, and scared. What if he never came back again?

'Don't worry.' He said, as if reading her thoughts 'I'll come visit you every other day until I can get my job and a place for us to live sorted out, I promise. And then, a month from today, we'll leave for good.' He smiled at her.

'We have so much to say to each other...but...I'm so tired now.'

'We will say everything, Anna, don't worry. Just rest for now. I'll be here when you wake up, I promise.'

Giving him a generous smile, she rested her head in the pillow and fell asleep looking at the sight before her eyes. The man she loved smiling and babbling happily at their daughter who was looking at him ever so attentively despite her so very young age. Anna thanked God for this blessing, for answering her prayers. They would be happy now, forever, just the way she dreamed of.

As she slept her head fell against his shoulder. He froze when he felt it, but smiled when looked down at her. He couldn't believe how forgiving she could be. How strong she was. He couldn't believe how much he loved her. A love so big it made his heart ache. So big he was sure he would have succumbed slowly and painfully without her.

Kissing her hair and taking in the smell he so longed for, he made her a silent promise. He would make up for everything she'd been through alone, he would show her how right she was by giving him a second chance, and he would shower her with love for the rest of their lives. John looked at their baby then and promised the little one as well that he would be the best father he could possibly be.

Hours later when Anna woke up, he was still there, with his strong arm warm around her, just as he had promised.

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**A/N: **YAY Anna and Bates are together again and they have their little baby! Now, will this be the beginning of their "happily ever after", or will their future be as uncertain as their past? Well... you'll find out more in the next chapter.

Thank you so much for reading :)


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